Pretty brutal here,  I have to admit I feel surreal, not sure what’s up or down.  I’ve been meeting with Godly men who are giving me wisdom, to move forward.   Today I learned the lesson that has haunted me, probably my whole life.   I’m a fixer,  I love to fix things, but there are some things that need to be broken.  If it was by my power to fix my marriage, my family, my wife, I would do, and do, and do…  even.  If my doing wasn’t doing anything but making the problem worse.

The first problem is I’m not able to fix everything, especially things of the heart.  When Jesus said “⁴¹ Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴² How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.”  Luke 6:41-42.   

This is so true in the Christian life,  as a fixer I want to use my power and ability to resolve the issue and make it all good.   The first problem is:  I am an awful sinner with some stuff I need to do first, especially identify areas of my life where there are sins that have hurt my family.   At this point, I need to trust the Holy Spirit, and ask him to lead me to find those issues, and resolve them.   The number one person I need to forgive is me.  It’s easy to drag myself through the mud, merk, and filth of this world, but next I need to hold on to the authority of scripture that calls me to seek the things that are above than the things of this earth.

I have worked hard to amass, literally, not much. I have a dump of a house, broken cars, and family that doesn’t even want to be around me.  I’m starting to see a clear picture of my problem.  The only thing I can do, is lift my yoke, and follow my example, Jesus.  I need to put my focus on the eternal, the things that matter.

Jim Elliot once wrote: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot loose.”   I’ve been focused, on the speck, and not the beam!   My focus has been on material things, problems, and it has caused all kinds of bitterness and strife.  Each day I need to refocus my gaze on the little steps of faith.  Those steps will become bigger, and bolder, to one day, I will be the man God can use to His Glory.

Until then, sanctification hurts, and I need to become broken before I can be fixed.

Image by unsplash-logoMatt Artz